The City of the Golden Gate

As I am writing this, I am counting my days left here in my homeland country. Leaving has left me pondering with uncertainties, I never wanted to leave, I can give hundreds of reason for that, but for a single reason, just for that single reason, I tend to cease that hundred grounds and just leave.

Eighteen years is fairly more than enough for me to be attached in my country, it’s my home. It shapes me to who I am today, my ideology and mythos has been yielded in my country’s vast struggle against difficulties. It is my comfort zone my kinsfolk land, my friends gazebo and my memories and childhood’s hurdle, however it  is also for them that evokes me to leave and take a leap.

I am bound to depart the Pearl of the Orient to live the American Dream. I don’t know how life would work there, but I never doubted my capacities. This decision is not a choice because there is no choice at all.

I am not dismayed or dejected. Anxiousness, vague one, is the one that conceals me now. After months lapses, I have mulled over, things can work even on that way. Things has been so easy now with advance technology in communication. I told my friend, “I’m just a click away!”.

The City of the Golden Gate awaits me now, only the plane ticket is missing in the action. Sure I’ll treat this as an opportunity, I’d rather think it that way. I’m not there to play over, it’s actually an emancipation from childhood. Suddenly, I am old enough to look to myself and be responsible in my decisions. It’s not an easy task to be far away with people that is close to your heart. It is often stereotyped that going there and experiencing the fantasy of four season is always a catch of green pasture. I know in myself it will take me hard work, arduous one.

No pain, no gain. I told myself my life will give me some worth if I have my college diploma. I pursue it here in the Philippines but not for so long, I do not consider this moving as an interruption, rather an ascent in opportunity. Wherever I am, I’m ready to sacrifice toilsome effort to earn that golden ticket to success.

I don’t know what it’s like to live in a place that only in postcards I tend to see. I am preparing myself for racism, chauvinism … kidding. But I admit, it really hint me to think of that possibilities. Expect the worst as folks says.

It’s much better writing it in blogs, so I’ll have some shame of myself telling this all to the world and not making it.

The Golden Gate Bridge

I am a Homebody

Homebody in my case does not denotes a metaphor which affirms, rather it’s the opposite. Homebody in which is psyching me out. It is not because of my full volition, but yes it’s practically “partly” by choice.

Since the last summer break, April. I am locked up in my so-cliched-four-sided-wall-room. Counting how many times the earth rotates in it’s axis for 23hrs 56min 4.2seconds per day. I have been secured in my your-ordinary-teenage-room for more than more than two months now. Bet you, it really sucks!

I am not prompted to enroll in the summer semester and even on the present academic year because of our present status for immigration in the west end of the earth. Here comes the unintentional reason why I barely leave the house, “wait for the phone call or any mails coming from the immigration office”. So I have been a rotten fish swimming in a dirty fish tank…oops just an hyperbole.

Well, it’s not just always “it sucks!” and not liking it. Let me quote something “it’s like a flower that blooms in adversity”, don’t you notice? I like exaggeration. It’s just there is something about it which is good after all. Things unnoticed because of some dominant commotion reveals themselves, which actually is quite fun. Let me try to list it all down for you.

Clocks don’t tick at the same rate

Another irrelevant discovery candidate. I barely noticed that our family are so fond of clocks. Wall clocks, clocks in the shelves, clocks with fancy design, clocks with lamp, clocks in the living room, clocks in the dining room, clocks inside the rooms, clocks even at the attic. Whoa, that’s a lot!

Clocks “second” hand does not tick at the same rate, which means each clock second precision is different from others. Which also means they are not telling the same time. Even clocks are not reliable at some time.

So, what’s the official time? Weird!

When I’m uneasy, I diddle with my cellphone keypad

Having your cellphone around with you–undetachable seems normal just like dressing up, so I decided it’s not worth writing it up. But this unusual thing I did when in some kind of uneasy situation feels weird and unnoticed.

It has been an unnoticed habit clicking my keypads unconsciously and when I’m back in my self, I am already diddling my inbox and/or playing with my cellphone’s game.

I can navigate the house, closed eyes

Oh yeah, sure lot of us can do this, but it’s worth some attention. Sometimes when peeing wakes me up in the middle of my sleep, I don’t bother not opening my eyes fully. I learned to use my hands to sense some struggle on my way. Luckily I have never been hit by the wall.

Even when it’s brownout, I always tend to switch on/off the light

When things occupy me for a moment or so, the light switch brings me up a sort of reality check, “power lines are off dude!” Yeah, the light switch reminds me that it’s fucking brownout again which gives me emotional downfall. No hyperbole this time. Brownouts really makes me feel sad and bored!

Meal time, “whats the food?” habit

My mom and grandma really might be so sick and tired hearing all those question almost three times a day with only almost less than five hours interval. Sometimes this question are not really intended, they just spill out in my mouth…but I admit, I’m guilty! .^^

Refrigerator rackets it out at night

Sleeping close to the dining area and the big giant really gives me trouble when night falls and silence embraces the atmosphere. It’s racket really disturbs me during can’t-sleep-nights. It’s really loud at times.

This phenomena battles my scientific instinct to a question. How much noise do we accumulate when it’s racketing aren’t audible? Think of that! Our eardrums might be furious.

Home TV shopping

Oops, I am not a patron of these products, but again, because of my unconsciousness in things, I just wakes up watching this inutile shows. Growth pills, breast enlarger, scar remover, kitchen knifes and wait theres more!!! haha!

Can’t find it when I need it

When things are badly needed, they tend to hide until you give up trying. Up to the smallest things, when you don’t need them you know where to find them but when the time you needed them, they play hide and seek.

Watch out with the latter one, can’t find anymore things to write down but I’m sure there still a lot. Hate that last part!

Well, all of these are bit fun after all. When I’m thinking each one of it, it put some sort of helium air in my head. Being a homebody does not sound always rebellious, it can even cater the other side of your intellect. Isn’t it obnoxious to find all the wonders of the outside world when in fact, just being inside your home can be totally worth spending when you just spend time discovering and challenging yourself?

Being a homebody for more than two months now is not a waste of time, because I have used it in some sort of valuable things. I had never read books continuously, I had never enough time to read all the school newspaper articles, I had never watch some good movies and tv shows… but during that break, I did, it’s worth it.

But I never said I’ll be homebody forever, I experienced it already, time to move on. I’ll prepare myself for that migration and for another life in school.

Wish me luck!

Cathartic Voice ( thoughts of reality )

Pages of the newspaper for me is gradually becoming an ordinary blank sheet of papers, for as time elapse, I tend to skip pages of it and not care at all on what’s written. It’s pathetic to read all the written words printed in that lousy-smelling-paper. Same name, same faces, same issues and yet melioration is still out of sight. You cannot blame people of losing interest in this ill-natured land and what’s more fatal is when the youth whose the heir of this nation grew tired and in the end become part of the problem as well in the future.

When we are young and hopeful we envision prosperity. We have a tight attachment on what we want to be and whose role we wanna play in the society that’s soon ours. Sadly, every hope we have had in the beginning gradually loses on the process of reaching it.

Ask a child what he/she wants to be when they grew up, majority of the response is to be a doctor, a lawyer and/or a teacher. When asked why, they tend to throw an answer “to help the poor”, “to serve the country” and the list goes on. I believe somewhat this words appears in the clouds of our dreams. Times when we all think the ideals the society needed. Times when we are still free to have a dream, and times when we don’t have a clue how is the process of reaching that additional salutation in our names.

It is only that when we are matured enough to know that we are able to understand that hard work will not be enough to fulfill your early desires. You will find yourself seated in an exhausted-overcrowded classroom, given thorn-out-useless books, and provided with mediocre academic standards for you to reckon the reality of pursuing that dream. By this time, your hope is in lesser opacity, your State’s trust becomes State mishap. It is when you have marched down that commencement exercise in high school and grew closer to your goal, will be the time for you to reckon that you are indeed seemly getting far in your desired destination.

Status Check: By this time full trust to the state vanishes, you are all alone in your struggle. At this point in time, we are only left with two possible role in the future, first, think of how we are going to surpass this poverty that is eating us; second, please refer to the first account.

Well, basically it is the present reality that we are in. It is when thinking of public and/or other people will be the dumbest thing to do. It is when we are growing more self-centered and thinking first hand on where we will get money to feed our hungry stomach, and not thinking on how you can help other people who are abused, who are sick or those who can’t read.

On the other hand, some seems to put that dream into reality. They really become doctors, lawyers…earned additional salutation; Phd’s, Atty’s, MD’s etc. Some become known; Politicians, maybe. But sadly, they are now part of the system which is what they are fighting for earlier. Who can blame them? After surpassing that arduous process, bunch of money to supply education, nights of hard work and lot’s of memorization, who are they now to think of other people? It’s when they have gotten that degree and job is the time for them to take all the pay back. It’s their time to supply adequate money to their stomach and take more and more just a reward.

That’s how the cycle goes. They are the one whose face and names are printed all over the newspaper. it’s them we loathe as of the moment…as I said, AS OF THE MOMENT.

Dark Fuss

Have you ever tried waking up and feels like it is part (still) of a dream? Waking up thinking that you are not yet supposed to wake up? Opening your eyes and the darkness embraces you and the surrounding feels so angrily cold? There is a certain force scattering above you and you feel the need for warmth. Crazy the words used. It’s just waking up in the morning knowing you are awakened with the loud rainfall and the swashing of the typhoon wind and most fussing part–brownout .

The day started fine, waking up early as 7am just to find out that the supposed-to-be plan is canceled due to strong typhoon signal. Before I knew it, I am back to bed having penetrated the REM process. When my sleep is disturbed by the unusual coldness, my body felt so heavy and my eyes hated the fact that I’m using them. Looking at my cellphone to ask for the time, it ticks 2:00pm. So I decided to rouse and tried to live a normal life. Haha.

People are getting more and more wearisome of the unwanted phenomena called–brownout. You will not just see the sudden dismay but hear it as well after a sudden dim out of power current. More agitated if it happens during the post dinner time whereas people’s eyes are sticked on that electric powered frames watching that soapy telenovelas. People are abruptly dispirited and after the candles has been lit, several sigh’s are on the air.

It seems that the other leg is cut off or the other hand has been paralyzed. No distinct movement for a moment thinking how desperate life has been. After that, it’s the start of the longest hours of our lives. Seconds seems to long and hours appears to be days. We just all find ourselves looking into nowhere.

In such a rare case, you can even draw inspiration in this fussing time. Watching time pass by, watching rainfall and thinking of someone. Corny at it’s highest level. If hours seems years, how about a day long? Millenia indeed.

That’s what I hate in storms. Can’t they be more careful not to tread those tall trees and electricity post? Well, I know I could find sympathy with all the students over there that once in a while we are in favor of storm for class cancellation but it’s just unworthy of having no class and having no TV’s, Internet’s Game Console’s at all. It’s like being barred in fox river having a nice chat with the fishes ( fox river is the jail house of prison break and the prisons are called fishes ).

All this happening only shows us how we are all consumed with the modernity of our lives. In which time is being executed with things to do. Sir Isaac Newton’s kite has flown so far that we can’t live a day without electricity. No question, we woke up facing the laundry, watching the TV, listening to the radio, lighting up our dining area and sleeping with air condition and fans. Electricity accompany us with everything we do, so the moment we are deprived by it. We feel paralyzed.

This need has been one of the basic necessities of post-modern human, and because it has grown into a much needed necessity people really need to thrive for it even for such a HIGH COST. Because of the fact that we are indeed barred without choices of power company in Manila, we are leaved without alternative. We are stranded in this monopolistic economy that lead us into adversity.

It is indeed that Meralco upholds the only authority and potential of providing us with electricity in the Capital Region and the most part of the Greater Manila Area, thus, giving them the full authority to exert a significant and total control to the supply of electricity. We are only apt to accept the service and/or leave it.

They have the full power to alter the demand curve, thus, playing it to their own advantage of increasing the possible marginal revenues. As long as people feel the need for electricity and it is not in the peak of it’s absolute value, people have no choice but to carry the burden, however, this is advantageous to the firm, thus making more money with lesser quality of goods.

Have I reach the point of Epistaxis? Ok, Enough of that feeling-good-of-myself-having-written-a-statement-a-laymen-can’t-understand thing. It is just basic as this. Give us our money’s worth and we’re fine!

People need no more Dark Fuss.